HOW TO BE A 20-Something.
By RYAN O'CONNELL
me, being 20something.
I came across this and I thought that it is SO necessary for you to read this. Especially if you are a 20-something year old.
GetIntoIt ;).
Be really attractive. Your
acne is gone, your face has matured without having wrinkles and everything on
your body is lifted naturally. Eat bagels seven days a week, binge-drink and do
drugs: you’ll still look like a babe. When you turn thirty, it’ll become a
different story but that’s, like, not for a really long time.
Reestablish a relationship
with your parents. You don’t live with them anymore (hopefully) so start to
appreciate them as human beings with thoughts, flaws and feelings rather than
soulless life ruiners who won’t let you borrow their car.
Go from eating delicious
food at your parents’ house to eating Ragu tomato sauce over Barilla noodles. Develop an eating disorder to save money.
Move into an apartment on
the corner of Overpriced and Dangerous. Sleep on a bare mattress with an Ikea
comforter. Your mother talks to you about buying a top sheet and a duvet cover
but feel like you’re not mature enough to own something called “duvet.”
“Date people who you know
you’ll never be able to love.”
Read the New York Times
piece, “What Is It About 20-Somethings?” Feel exposed and humiliated. Share it
on your Facebook with the caption: “Um….” Your friends will comment “Too real”
and that will be the end of that.
Work at a coffee shop but
feel hopeful about your career in advertising, writing, whatever. Remember that
you’re young and that the world is your oyster. Everything is possible, you
still have so much to see and hear. You went to a good school and did good
things. Figure if you’re not going to be successful, who the hell is?
Date people who you know
you'll never be able to love. See someone for three months for no other reason
than because it’s winter and you want to keep warm by holding another body.
Date a Republican just so you can say you dated a Republican.
Eventually all these nobodies
will make you crave a somebody. Have a real relationship with someone. Go on
vacations together, exchange house keys, cry in their arms after a demoralizing
day at work. Think about marrying them and maybe even get engaged. Regardless
of the outcome, feel proud of yourself for being able to love someone in a
healthy way.
Start your twenties with a
lot of friends and leave with a few good ones. What happened? People faded away
into their careers and relationships. Fights were had and never resolved. Shit
happens.
Think of yourself at twenty
and hanging out with people who didn’t mean a thing to you. Think about writing
papers, about being promiscuous, about trying new things. Think of yourself now
and your face looking different and your body feeling different and how
everything is just different.
Form the habits that will
stick with you forever. Drink your coffee with two sugars and skim milk every
morning. Buy a magazine every Friday. Enjoy spending money on candles, smoke
pot on Saturdays, watch the television before bed.
Move into a bigger
apartment on the corner of Mature and Gentrification and finally buy a duvet
cover. Limit your drug-use. If you find yourself unable to do so, start to
wonder if you have a problem.
Have your parents come to
your place for Christmas. Set the table, make the ham, wear a sophisticated
outfit, This will all mean so much at the time.
Think about having children
when you stop acting like a child. This may not ever happen.
Maybe this is assuming too
much. Maybe this is generalizing. Maybe society uses age as an unrealistic
marker for growth. Maybe. Still feel the anxiety on your 30th birthday and
think to yourself, “Oh shit, I’m no longer a 20-something.”
-- thanks ryan
